The Wild of Brain Burnout Series. Part Three: Recovery and prevention
Flipping the script. Burnout-proof your future with the Six Pou of a Sustainable Neurodivergent Life.
How’s that title for neurodivergent clickbait?! Ha. How to avoid burnout is holy grail level content in our communities.
Unfortunately there is no silver bullet or shortcut to working this stuff out. There is no detailed formula to building the perfect neurodivergent life. There can’t be, we’re all so unique. Sorry about that. I DO have tips and wisdom from lived experience communities to share though.
Recovery from burnout really depends on where you’re at in the spectrum of burnout. Are you on the road to Burnoutsville? Or just caught sight of a signpost from a ways off? Maybe you’re camped on the outskirts, or in Burnoutsville town centre?
Wherever you are on the Negatively Impacted By Burnout Scale, it’s important to take action.
Knowing the unique red flags that indicate you’re headed for burnout is essential. The earlier we can make changes, shifting the elements in our lives that led us to burnout, the better.
I use a four phase model to help gauge how badly affected by Burnout a person is.
The Four Phases of Autistic // Neurodivergent Burnout
In general, neurodivergent traits flare in burnout and challenges (the things that disable us) get increasingly hard to impossible. Examples of common symptoms/signs:
Fatigued beyond the usual neurodivergent exhaustion. (Sleep doesn’t help) Irritable. Increased shutdowns or sensory overload. Feeling more overwhelmed than usual. Starting to pull back from social interaction. Needs more processing / downtime.
All of the above, plus heavy dread on waking, harder to get moving in the mornings. Person withdraws from social events. Heightened sensory sensitivities. Meltdowns. If person is on ADHD meds they may think they’re not working as well or at all. Finding it difficult to mask. Brain fog becomes the norm and executive functioning lessened. Daily life negatively impacted.
All of the above but worse, plus: Person is able to do only the bare necessities of life - work, basic parenting, trying to sleep, repeat. May report depression, heightened anxiety. Chronic health issues may develop or worsen. Life is pure survival. Can’t see beyond each day. Deep-seated constant exhaustion. Struggle is evident externally.
Severe Autistic or otherwise serious Neurodivergent Burnout: All of above to an extreme extent. Unable to work, socially isolated, mostly unable to mask, spending whole days in noise cancelling headphones when person wouldn’t usually, struggle with hygiene, not able to eat well or provide food for dependents. Insomnia. Interoception compromised. Dissociation. Any chronic health stuff in full swing.
For some ND folks brain fog, migraines or insomnia might be the first sign of burnout. Others might notice being more physically clumsy or have gastro-intestinal disturbances. It’s worth noting too that many folks are not identified as autistic or ADHD or both until they’re in debilitating autistic burnout so they may not have the language common in neurodivergent communities to describe their struggles.
What Burnout recovery is not
The benchmark of autistic or otherwise neurodivergent burnout recovery is not a resumption of ‘life as usual’. It’s not like the healing process from say, a broken bone, where regaining the same range of movement is the goal, indicating ‘treatment success’. If we come out of burnout to the same life that sent us there in the first place, we’ll end up regressing back into burnout. We need to make deep changes and question hard about what life needs to look like for it to be sustainable and fulfilling for us.
Quote from a reddit thread someone sent me,
“Unfortunately, while you can definitely recover fully from burnout, you will never be able to function at the level you were before burnout because, by definition, that level of functioning was too high for you to sustain long term. Hence why you’re burnt out.”
So, what are the ingredients of burnout recovery?
Simplifying life as much as possible. Taking away what weighs the person down and prioritising what lights the person up, feeds them. Sounds so easy put that like, it’s not.
We have to get out of our own way, create time and space for recovery to happen.
Like any sort of healing, burnout recovery is not linear. We might have flashes of feeling like ‘our old selves’, be laughing and realise the sound was alien because we hadn’t laughed in too long. We might be able to attend a social thing briefly and not have to spend the whole next day in a darkened room. Or get it wrong and pay a high price for doing too much too fast. Recovery regression is a thing.
At first, for those in flaming burnout, it’s likely not possible to truly rest yet. We have to stabilise first, focus on regulation for days, weeks or months before we can actively choose to rest.
Neurodivergent burnout math and pacing
There’s a constant sort of neurodivergent burnout math we have to do, tuning into our nervous systems, assessing our fluctuating capacity and calculating what cost we might pay for even the most basic of daily tasks. ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) communities can teach us a lot. My friends with ME/CFS also get slammed with days/weeks of recovery for doing too much on the good days/weeks. This is called Post-Exertional Symptom Exacerbation (PESE) or Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM). Pacing is well documented practice used to make life manageable in chronic fatigue communities. Similar to energy accounting in autistic communities.
Pacing and energy accounting, or my Life Mapping, externalises the practical obvious stuff like increasing support and accommodations, and cutting work hours and commitments. Just as important is considering the emotional aspect and factoring in space for processing.
I was slammed with autistic shutdown again recently, not the ‘unable to leave bed for days’ sort, but still, limiting. Shutdowns are an unavoidable part of my autistic af life but this one was unexpected. To my mind, I had not done a lot. On reflection, my limited spoons and focus had gone to supporting a family member who was wobbly so I’d lost track of my own needs. It WAS a big week and there IS a lot going on. A beloved elder actively dying, a friend diagnosed with a nasty cancer, the start of the school term - always a tense time, trying to navigate support agencies with a brain that refuses to play ball with bureaucracy, getting the Wild of Brain book to the finish line solo, being away from home overnight, and some big family stuff that was wonderful but also brought up a lot. To name a few. The emotional intensity and the extra processing without factoring in downtime was a strain that nudged me into shutdown. Doh.
I know I’m not alone in this. I notice a tendency to not factor in how exhausting emotionally intense times are for us hyper connected neurodivergent folks.
Part of the problem was I had stopped using my planning work book - hand drawn and colourful customised pages in a spiral bound journal that allow me to map the week to come so I can manage my commitments - so obviously I’ve gone back to that. Ahem. The book got tidied away into a pile of files on my desk and object impermanence meant it was lost to my brain. Sigh. Part of the bummer of solo-life is not having anyone around to gently remind me of stuff like this. It’s a relief to know why I do this now. Since my diagnoses, I no longer beat myself up about this sort of stuff. Phew. This self-compassion reminds me of the six cornerstones, or pou, I use on my coaching practice.
Six Pou of a Sustainable Neurodivergent Life
A burnout-free life is never a guarantee, but we can set ourselves up for success on our own terms.
Know who you are. Establish and map our Baseline of WellBeing (see top link below) and explore sensory profiles so we’re not holding ourselves to unrealistic neurotypical standards and have the information we need to design a life that works for us. This understanding allows self-compassion.
Practice pacing / schedule rest. Having a system of keeping track of commitments to be able to structure commitments sustainably and ensure chunks of time are safeguarded for recovery time after high spoon things (like events/travel) - and to rest / do fun stuff.
Prioritise regulation. Understand trauma and neurodivergent hyper-connectivity. Work out what vagal toning and emotional regulation practices work for us. Make caring for our unique hyper-connected nervous systems a priority.
Know the signs. Work out what your unique flags of impending burnout are. And have step-by-step plans ready to roll out when you need to reduce commitments.
Implement support, strategies and scaffolds. This is everything from accessing disability support funding if you are eligible and need it, ND life hacks, time management tricks and body doubling to external support in the form of a coach, therapist and occupational therapy.
Start small and build from success. Neurodivergent capacity and traits are not consistent, neither are they predictable - there may be times you need high support, other times when you may coast on minimal support - factor this in.
Lean into the good stuff. Hone your radar to spot life’s pleasures and sink into those Small Moments of Contentment, sensory joy and stims. Actively hunt those glimmers!
And, last but not least, the foundation that support all those pou:
Give yourself full and unfettered permission to do life in ways that work for YOU and your people.
I see so much tension in my coaching practice from neurodivergent folks holding themselves to neurotypical standards. Question everything! It’s YOUR life. YOU get to choose how to live it. If you’re beating yourself up about not doing the dishes after dinner every night, stop. Who made the rule than you do them every night? Maybe, after a full day of this thing called life, you actually can’t. Rinse them as they get placed on the bench and watch a show while you do them in the morning. Get a dishwasher or pay the teen next door to do them. Use paper plates for awhile. Do whatever works for you.
Protecting ourselves, and others, in burnout
Keep life gentle for as long as you need. This includes the people you choose to be around. Including support professionals. I’ve said this before and I’m gonna keep on saying it. It’s super important to work with mental health professionals and care support folks who really understand neurodivergence (including PDA), are trauma-informed and are experienced in what approaches might work and how to adapt therapies so they’re not just ND-appropriate and affirming but uniquely customised.
Burnout is socially isolating, even more so than neurodivergent life in general, educating our loved ones and wider circles about burnout can ease this and open pathways to accommodations and strategies that allow us to engage in community events and peopling in general. By guilt-free cameo appearances or early exits, being excused from having to bring a plate etc. We don’t need to be dealing with the stress of others' judgement anywhere near burnout. There will be some folks you’ll want to give a wide berth in tender times.
Neurodivergent pals are the best. Especially those with lived experience of burnout. We get it. Something upsetting though, on social media I see push back within our communities from people struggling, or in some level of burnout, in response to neurokin in severe burnout commenting that they’re unable to work, with things like, ‘nice for some.’ Ouch. Privilege is most definitely a thing, some people are well resourced or supported enough to take time off work and outsource household tasks at the first sign of their health or well-being impacted, and others are not. What’s missing here is knowing that many ND folks in Severe Autistic Burnout who are not working DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE. Their burnout got so bad they HAD to stop, everything. They, we, had no choice. Apologies for shouting.
It goes both ways hey? We can’t recommend people take a sabbatical from work if they’re a single mama with no financial buffer unable to access government support. Let’s keep that in mind and be aware of our privilege and apply an equity perspective to our interactions. We have to, so many of us neurodivergent folks are generationally financially disadvantaged. Lets practice inclusion, normalise sliding scales and trade to make therapeutic and support services more accessible as we advocate for public health support pathways. And leave space in our comments for other people’s lived experiences.
Recovery is not a choice. Do whatever you can to make changes and get support in place. Severe burnout for autistic folks can be utterly debilitating and take years to come back from. You do not want to go there. Trust me on that one. Besides, we deserve to live well. Take the time and to help work out what a sustainable life looks like for you.
Recovery requires us to take life back to absolute basics. Like any sort of healing, the progress of recovering from Neurodivergent Burnout is not a straight line. Recovery is messy. It takes the time it takes.
To ward off burnout, we need to stay alert to any wobbles. It helps to structure in regular reflection time to assess how things are going. Maybe share your burnout flags and plan to implement changes with a trusted person or people. This is useful because sometimes we lapse back into old patterns or if we’re struggling we can’t easily notice the signs of burnout ourselves. The slide into burnout can be insidious. Late identified neurodivergent folks may be more at risk here, especially if they’ve been in cycles of burnout all their lives without understanding what it was. Without trusted loved ones around us to reflect what they see, we may not realise until it’s too late. It’s much easier, and faster to spot potential burnout and make changes to come back to place of well-being, than it is to heal from entrenched autistic, ADHD or otherwise neurodivergent burnout.
Preparing a plan of how you can reduce demands and create more space for what lights us up ahead of time is vital. When we are of limited capacity with brain fog and other burnout symptoms it’s often not possible to think clearly or creatively so having a step by step plan ready to roll is essential.
So yeah, destination burnout. Don’t go there. Or if you end up there, don’t make it a one way ticket. Carve commitments back, then carve them back more, and then more. When you’re out the other side, build back slowly, intentionally. Get to know your sensory profile and work out what adds weight to life, and what makes your heart sing - do more of the latter. Make life as gentle as possible. Shelve any big decisions, edge-pushing or challenges for now. Centre recovery with care, embrace rest - in ways that work for you. Trust that the time will come for more wild risk taking stuff later.
And remember, small things make a big difference for us neurodivergent folks. The small ick things accumulate and add weight, and on the flipside, working to our brilliance and sinking into small joys adds up and tips the scale toward well being.
Kia kaha. Recovery can be a long road. You are worth it.
This is Part Three of the Wild of Brain Burnout Series, if you missed the first two, you might want to check them out…
Part One: Sets the scene. Attempts to organise messy terminology. WHY we burn out. Who is at-risk. How burnout cheats the world of neurodivergent brilliance.
Part Two: The What & How of ND Burnout and a peek into the hope on the other side. What burnout looks like. How burnout differs from shutdowns, social hangovers and sensory overwhelm. We look deeper into monotropic split and other burnout causes. Plus a taster menu of what helps.
Next up: Severe Autistic Burnout. Just how bad can it be? And, how do we come back stronger?
Each week I share resources and content related to the week’s Wild of Brain theme. To inform, lift spirits or just because I keep thinking about them:
Feature article in the Altogether Autism Journal by me, outlining steps to establishing your Baseline of WellBeing and Life Mapping, a kind of energy accounting.
Dr Neff on Burnout Recovery - How to Build a Recovery Plan. I came across this recently and dearly wish I’d seen this years ago!
Burnout Recovery by That Autistic Lady
‘Burnout doesn’t just disappear. It takes over every aspect of your life, leaving you feeling like a completely different person, even during recovery.’
And this one, two years into autistic burnout recovery. Big thanks to Wenna for sharing her experience. I felt seen.
Jes Gordon on PEM - Post Exertional Malaise
Encouraging words from one of my faves, The Punk Rock Autistic
Dr Alice Nicholls on Parenting in Autistic Burnout
Lyric aka Neurodivergent Rebel on being diagnosed autistic through being in burnout.
And for a bit of wholesome, here’s the floofiest of owl + babies.
Disclaimer. My brain fog is more like a hearty soup atm. It’s taken me a long time to write this. I have to go gently, at my own recovery pace, but I refuse to let burnout silence me. Also, this is a distillation of research over the years, current thoughts from my own experience and from listening to many voices in neurodivergent communities. It’s not an exhaustive list or how-to master plan to Burnout recovery, just what’s top of mind. I could write a book on recovery. I’m not going to, but someone needs to!
Speaking of books, the Wild of Brain book is out soon. Exciting.